Category: Posts

“When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that Person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need You have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with Guidance and support,

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.   They may seem like a godsend and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,  This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an End.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire Fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has Come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy..

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,  Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional Foundation..

Your job is to accept the lesson,  Love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other Relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,  Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

One of the biggest decisions we face in life is deciding who we truly want to be – at our core.  That means we have to me intentional.  I have a healthy dislike for having to make huge decisions in my life.  Having choices is great until they leave us paralyzed and afraid to move one way or another.  Free will can be a real “bitch” some times (excuse my french).  I really hate it when I hear very clearly what God is saying to me and it is so against my free will that I want to scream.  Wait I think I’ve done that!

We have a lot of choices to make about who we what to be… our identity.  A lot of time, it’s easier to just listen and believe what others say about who we are and it kinda takes the pressure off.  That defining is often bad, but gives us excuses to be the way we are and make stupid choices.  All of a sudden, it’s not our fault.  It’s our circumstances, obviously (Justification)!  Then maybe we begin defining ourselves by what we do because we want to prove we are valuable and that we use our time wisely (not me of course).  Maybe we are defined by what we like in life, the things we enjoy doing… (like going off to some remote Island), the people in which we associate, etc.  Wrong again!

Unfortunately, many times we compromise who we are… just because we want people to like us, I know we’ve all done it… except maybe the perfect ones out there.  In order to make the decision as to who you want to be, you need to choose to make critical decisions in your life that will build your character.  One being, choose and clarify the vision for your life.  (I’m so not there yet!).   You must decide to have disciplined thought!  Live by certain core values that you can rely on to help you be who you want to be.

What are your core values?  Who are you?  Who am I?

Teacher?

Lover?

Learner?

I am rambling, now.  I have such a long way to go!  … but I am searching!  That’s a step in the right direction… I hope!

Mirror Mirror on the wall

You’re really not my friend at all

I look at you and want to shout

Suddenly the truth comes out

I thought it was a friend I’d see

But NO.. I see the real true me!

A popular lyricist, Anna Russel gently mocked the “me generation” with its forms of explaining away all the strange behavior:

I went to my psychiatrist to be psychoanalyzed to find out why I killed the cat and blacked my husband’s eyes.  He laid me on a downy couch to see what he could find, and here is what he dredged up from my subconscious mind:  When I was one, my mommy hid my dolly in a trunk, and so it follows, naturally, that is why I am a drunk.  When I was two, I saw my father kiss the maid one day, and that is why I suffer now from kleptomania.  At three, I had the feeling of ambivalence towards my brothers, and so it follows naturally I poisoned all my lovers.  But I am happy; now I’ve learned the lesson this has taught:  Everything I do that’s wrong is someone elses’s fault!

– Taken from the book, “The God Who Is There” by D. A. Carson

Waiting is painfully hard, especially when the wait is open ended.  You are flying blind so it becomes very frustrating, very fast.  You have a five hour window set aside for the plumber.  Will he come in the first hour or the last five minutes?  What do you do with your wait?  Either way, the “not knowing” is very frustrating.  We waste time and get impatient.  Put that wait on a much larger scale and you have a serious issue if you let it.

When we are waiting on something, a job, an idea, an answer, “our wait” becomes a syndrome.  It’s all we think about.  It consumes us.  We become “stuck”!  It’s so easy to do and so hard to change and control.  It’s like when you buy a white convertible, you suddenly realize there are so many of these on the road, that you never noticed before.  Your brain can do strange things to us.  You can easily get wrapped up in what caused our wait and end up in a downward spiral, or do things to help ignore the wait because it becomes so big and overwhelming.   The wait causes anxiety which disrupts our ability to hear our friends, family and God clearly.

It’s easy to stay “stuck”!  There are many causes to staying where you are and not moving forward, taking chances, or changing behaviors.  Negative thinking is a biggy.  It’s too difficult, too hot, too embarrassing, the wrong time of the year, it doesn’t feel good, there isn’t enough money, you name it! We can come up with some amazing excuses, or I can!   Others thrive on the chaotic.   Impulsivity and emotion become very strong, while planning and problem solving disappear, gone!  Inability to calm or soothe oneself in healthy ways, like breathing deeply, yoga, asking for help, spending time with friends they will turn to compulsive eating, alcohol additions, sugar, stimulants, drugs or compulsive behavior.

The big question, “How do you make it through the wait?”  “What choices do you make?” “Healthy or not healthy?”  “Productive or not?” “Do you run away or face reality?”  Where is your focus?  It is so easy to focus on the problems and feel lost and alone.  The waiting should not and can not be about the wait.  Instead of focusing on the circumstances that got us to where we are now, which can lead us to harmful things, people and actions, focus on where you want to be next, what you will do when your answer comes, and who can you help here while in the waiting room.  Think outside of yourself.

Instead, bond with friends and not pain.  Resist negativity in your head or with others.  Talk about what you are doing to move forward and most importantly take the time to have fun with others and do something for someone else.  That in itself is a powerful positive.

(Thanks to my Captain friend, Jeff King for the photo)

Sitting on the deck of a Beach house. The Island is calling my name, so loudly that it is deafening. The sound, the peace, the view, the solitude, the pure magnitude…screaming at me. The love of this solitude kinda scares me…hopefully not a sign. Looking at the vast ocean, it’s unending horizon, the endlessness, strangely reminds me of our vast differences. These thoughts are more than likely because of the amazing magnitude of God’s creation.

Looking through the sea oats, and thinking how they are the same, yet each one is different, not unlike us. We are all human, yet… Born in different cultures, traditions, family dynamics, birth order, different physically. You and I don’t see the same thing, think the same thing, learn the same things even in the very same situation. Think about that for a moment.

Yet we tend to judge, be arrogant enough to think we know what is best for others. How vain! Sadly, sometime we actually listen to others and not God. Seriously, how insecure! We each have all the tools we need, but because of circumstances, excuses, blame, selfishness and codependence, we miss it! We aren’t listening. And to think we have it all figured out enough to tell other how to act is down right scary. I would hope, actions would speak louder than words. What we need is non-judgmental, loving, understanding friendships. I do NOT have it figured out, but I DO know… GOD has my back.

1. Make Lists
2. Carry A Notebook Everywhere
3. Just Write
4. Get Away From The Computer
5. Quit Beating Yourself Up
6. Take Breaks
7. Sing In The Shower
8. Drink Coffee
9. Listen To New Music
10. Be Open
11. Listen To The People Around You
12. Get Feedback
13. Go Somewhere New
14. Don’t Force It
15. Be Yourself
16. Write Down Your Ideas
17. Have Fun, Always
18. Never Give Up
19. Get Plenty Of Rest
20. Break The Rules
21. Finish Something
22. Clean Something
23. Organize
24. Take A Risk Or Two
25. Count Every Blessing
26. Allow Yourself To Make A Mistake
27. Practice A Lot
28. Love Yourself
29. Love Others
30. Keep The Faith

This is sorta putting the pressure on… But, we all came into this world, physically made of the same stuff, no matter what our color, race, or ethnic background. Sure there are physical differences… We are all unique also! Same but different!

We enter our little world with cultural rules already mapped out for us. We don’t have a choice, we are not actually in control. We are at the mercy of our parents and environment. All of us… No matter where we are born. Think about that. Think about what you would be doing, had you been born in another place in this world. I hate to use this word, but we are brain washed. Sometimes, that turns out to be a good thing other times it’s a disaster.

We are however, all born with potential! We are born with unique thought processes and gifts. Maybe at times as a child we are guided to do things that our parents or mentors think we should do… But at some point (not sure when that is)…. We have to either give up and decide we want to live pleasing others or better yet, find out who we are and what we love – find our passion, fulfill our potential. It’s there!

When you realize and really think about the fact that you are authentic … You will begin to try and understand yourself better and even accept who you are. You will also begin to understand that same thing about others. You will begin to be yourself and stop trying to be someone you are not. You will realize that the fact is… Some people will like us and some won’t.

“…give up dancing in someone else’s shoes and just be yourself. That way, you’ll be less lonely, you’ll become a good friend to yourself, and your feet won’t hurt” – Charlotte Kasl, PH.D

We should always present ourselves as we are in any relationship or environment – no mask! That is pure honesty. Your potential vivid!

Ok… I’m rambling. But, how can we know what we want in life if we don’t know ourselves and our own potential. It’s wide open. We just need to realize it’s there and do everything in our power to find it. I’m still searching… But I know it’s there.