Tomorrow I will end one chapter in life and start a new. It has taken a while to get my foot out of the concrete but it is finally been released. I am officially leaving Jackson, MS behind and moving myself and what little stuff I have left, to Ocean Springs, MS. It’s not far I know, but it’s way different… in a good way. Oh, I have been in and out of Jackson for several years now, always returning with my foot stuck and not wanting to let go. I am not really sure why at this point. It’s a big world out there, so much to see and do, and I plan on taking advantage of as much of that as I can. For me, Jackson was a great place to raise kids without a doubt. It’s a great place to live for a lot of people, just not for me. Each time I would return, it would seem more and more like “ground hog day”, the same people in the same places at the same times. I am sure a lot had to do with the places I was choosing to hang out, or maybe is was just my compelling desire to do something different. To be different.
Be different, I have. I ran away several years back and ended up in Little Harbour, Bahamas (another long story). That has been the best thing that has happened to me since the birth of my children. It has been an amazing adventure to which I should address in a book (maybe one day… first I have to learn to write). It has become home to me. In the following, I think 4 years now, I have been bouncing back to Jackson, afraid to let go. I think I was afraid to release the “known” and move into the unknown. I have family and friends in Jackson. Friends is a term I have used lightly and easily in the past. It’s funny how as you begin to move on with your life, those “friends” don’t seem to move with you. Then of course there are some that will be with for you forever. The thing I didn’t realize is, making new friends is easy if you have that desire. You still have the memories with the old friends (another book I intend to write, “Single and Fifty, You Can’t Make This Crap Up”. You know who you are!) It’s has been important to not get disappointed. Friendship that tends to fade is of no fault of them or you. It is just life. You know the ole adage “for a reason”, “for a season”. Still hard sometimes!
Anyway, back to my original point. I am packing up a truck tomorrow and leaving a house that we have owned for almost 30 years. There are memories in that house that will be there forever. I met my best friend, Sandi thru the fence of that back yard. (Meeting her in a few for breakfast). Our lives have separated us, but I know I could walk back to her if I needed anything, she would be there. I have visions of Tara Chez (now 30) and Julie (next door friend) playing in the mud in the back yard. The yard was about to be sodded, so it was pure mud. They had mud on every inch of their bodies. Was hell to get them clean, I knew that going in, but the cutest thing you have ever seen. Tara Chez was (and still is) the boss, period. She was and is in charge I can rest assured. She was quite the actor as well. I will never forget the day Memaw was baby sitting. I think Tara Chez was 5. Meems “lost” her sunshades (aka foaklies she thought were real). In a panic she searched the house high and low while Tara Chez watched in delight, knowing the entire time that she had hidden them in the garbage can. She fessed up eventually. Not long after that, my Dad “Pappy” took her and Katie to daycare. When they arrived (at the right place)… Tara Chez told my Dad that they didn’t go to that daycare anymore. He actually drove off and she was directing him to somewhere/anywhere but daycare, until he realized what she was doing. Always in charge. I have memories of Katie (27) throwing tantrums. She pitched a fit over what she wanted to wear or just about anything for that matter. We ended up reversing the lock on her door so she would stay in there to throw her tantrums and we didn’t have to watch. Ok, turn me in. Found Katie one day at 4 years old with Ashley (another neighbor) walking the streets pulling a red wagon in high heels and a leopard dress, with a purse on her arm. Young little street walker. Geeze that girl was/is strong so willed. My mom bought Katie a little motorized 4 wheeler that she road around Walmart and didn’t want to get off of. It was given to her at Christmas. The child refused to get on it because everyone wanted her to… she NEVER road that thing. We eventually gave it away. Then of course, the prince of the kingdom, Devin(23). His bedroom was the first one you’d come to when walking down the hall. That of course would be the first place a robber would look when they intruded. So, he was like a yoyo every night. Into our bedroom he’d come. I could hear the pitter patter of those feet. I would try to fake sleeping but feel him standing right by the bed staring at me. I couldn’t handle it, up he’d come and we would hold each other and no one would get either of us. Then, back to bed Scott would march him. He slept in the top bunk. If you went in there in the morning you would have thought he was kidnapped because all you would see is stuffed animals up on the top bunk and the bottom would be empty. Oh he was up there. He just blended in with all those stuffed animals, sight unseen. Convinced the robber could never find him. This vinyl siding house has only one 4 ft square of brick in the front. Devin would spend hours at 5 years old hitting a tennis ball agains that wall. That is when he proclaimed he was going to be a tennis pro, in which he succeeded.
The excitement about my new place has been building and I have needed to do this for some time. I’ve been so excited that I really didn’t think I would have any emotions when walking away from this house. However , this house WAS at one point, a HOME! I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss it, I do! However, things change whether planned or not, life happens. You have choices in this world. I am choosing to move on and make new memories taking with me the past ones. I am continuing to grow and learn as I make life a journey. You only get this one chance!
To my kids: The house you grew up in is just that! You have grown up. The memories will always be around from your childhood home, however that’s all that remains. If you don’t journal, START! Your memory will fade, it’s fun to look back at those memories… write them down. Remember only the good. As you make your new memories, pay attention to the sunrise and the sunset, it’s God’s gift to you everyday and its a guarantee. There will be a brand new day. Don’t do it if it’s not fun, and if it’s something you have to do… make your mind up to have fun doing it. Things do happen for a reason, sometimes that reason is because you make stupid decisions. Write that down too and move on.
Remember mostly that your home is where your heart is. Always thought that was kinda goobie but it is in fact so true. Life has never has been about the dwelling or the stuff. It’s all about relationships. Some you will choose to hang on to and some you will cast aside and move away from. Choose wisely. Just know that every time we see each other, where ever and when ever it may be… that my children is home to me!
xxxooo (to the nth degree)